6 Practices That can Transform Our Parenting

Melanie Zwyghuizen | Gen 1 Parenting

Real shifts that bring connection, calm, and confidence into everyday family life.

Parenting isn’t a formula—it’s a living, growing relationship. But over the years, I’ve found that some practices rise above the noise. These are the things I come back to again and again, both in my own parenting and with the thousands of families I’ve worked with.

They’re not magic. But they are powerful. They change how we lead our homes—and how our kids experience us in the process.

1. Lead with Steady, Grounded Authority

As a parent, you are the leader of your family. And that’s not something to apologize for—it’s something to stand in.

Too often we see two extremes: the old-school “Because I said so!” model, and the modern “Whatever you say!” approach where kids hold too much power as parents try to just make their kids happy all the time.

Let's bring the balance back where:

• Everyone’s voice is heard, but not every want or whim is met (however, needs are met!).

• You lead with calm confidence, not control.

• Your kids feel safe in the structure you create.

Your grounded presence becomes the compass they rely on.

2. Create a Strong Sense of Team & connection

Your family is not a set of individuals going in different directions—it’s a team. And every team functions best when everyone knows they belong, they’re needed, and they have a role to play.

Building that sense of team looks like:

• Using “we” language: “We take care of each other in this family.”

• Encouraging cooperation & problem-solving: “Let’s figure this out together.”

• Celebrating each person’s strengths and contributions.

• Reminding kids that they are loved just as they are unconditionally.

When kids feel like part of something bigger than themselves, they’re more invested, more cooperative, and more connected—not just to you, but to each other.

Team doesn’t mean no conflict. It means you’re learning to work through conflict with shared goals and mutual respect.

3. Slow Down Instead of Spiraling Up

Kids of all ages are intense (Understatement of the year!). Their emotions come fast and loud as their brains are still developing. For us, it’s easy to get swept into their urgency.

But most of the time, it’s not a crisis. In fact, I would often use that very mantra for myself and repeat it as many times as my brain needed to hear it (and sometimes even out-loud!). So how can we become their calm and sturdy place in those moments of instensity?

Check In with Yourself First

Parenting asks us to guide our kids through big emotions—but what about our own?

This practice is about self-awareness:

• Notice your triggers

• Name your feelings

• Pause before you respond

You don’t have to be perfect. But when you show up grounded instead of reactive, you give your child the version of you they need most: calm, clear, and connected. When you pause and respond slowly, you:

• De-escalate the moment

• Model emotional regulation

• Teach your child that their intensity doesn’t need to overwhelm the room

Try responding to “I’m bored!” or “I want that!” with a calm, “Okay. What’s your plan?”That pause alone can have a big impact.

4. Welcome Every Emotion—Not Just the Happy Ones

We all want our kids to be happy. But chasing constant happiness sets everyone up to fail.

Real emotional health comes when kids are allowed to feel it all: sadness, frustration, joy, disappointment.

That means we hold space for those emotions instead of rushing in to "fix" them.

Instead of:“Don’t cry. Want a snack?”

Try:“Something doesn't feel right about this. I’ll sit with you until it feels better.”

This practice builds emotional resilience, self-awareness, and trust. Then when they're ready, we can help teach a missing skill or address the problem as needed, though sometimes all that is needed is that space for the emotion.

5. Speak with Clarity and Confidence

Clear, direct communication builds security. Kids need to know what you expect and that you mean what you say. Empty threats and trading directives with questions can be confusing to kids' developing brains.

Replace soft, unsure questions and empty threats with confident leadership:

• “Time to clean up, okay?” → “It’s time to clean up now.”

• “Why aren’t you dressed yet?” → “I need you to get dressed, please.”

• "If you don't pick up your room right now, you're grounded for 3 weeks."→"Your room needs to be picked up by the end of the day. What is your plan for getting that done? Do you need help getting started?"

This isn’t about being harsh—it’s about being kind and clear. You’re making things easier for both of you.

6. Focus on What’s Under the Behavior

Every meltdown, every shutdown, every act of defiance is telling you something.

Behind the behavior is a feeling or situation that’s too big to hold on their own—whether it's overwhelm, sadness, uncertainty, anger or more. When we help kids understand and process those feelings, behavior starts to shift—without shame or punishment.

Ask yourself (and your kids if appropriate):

• “What’s really going on here?”

• “How are you feeling underneath this?”

• “What do you need right now?”

The goal isn’t just better behavior. It’s building the skills that make better behavior possible all while remaining connected to our kids .

Hey Parents, incorporating these daily rhythms can truly transform the way we show up—and how our kids grow up. It's ok to start slow and maybe just focus in on one or two that feel right for you and your family for now. Once those are going well and feeling natural, consider adding another one or two. If you’re sensing the need for more clarity, support, and practical tools, you’re not alone. Sometimes we need both a solid foundation and hands-on help to navigate everyday challenges. That’s exactly what my Gen 1 Parenting mini-courses and coaching are designed to offer. I walk you step-by-step through the core practices, real-life strategies, and mindset shifts that make a lasting impact—with tools you can start using right away, no matter your child’s age. Schedule your [Free 15 min. consult] today to discuss your needs and how together we can meet them.

-Melanie